The Highland Echo

Suburban maternal units know everything

Fake News

Carlos Roccisano, A & E Editor

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The covert intelligence level of the Suburban Maternal Units is astounding. Every controversial topic is covered on their private Bookface discussion group page. Ranging from the topics of what doctor to use when their child’s head falls off, or suggesting how to fix the ShopRite parking lot, these moms are on the ball when coming up with the perfect answers for every imaginable problem.
Before being allowed into this sacred information station, the leaders of the page give each mom an extensive FBI background check on their credibility in society and their intelligence levels. If a mom posts a comment deemed unhelpful, she is immediately shunned on the page and is ridiculed. These “disappointment

 

moms” bring down the credibility of this esteemed group of ladies, but they are potential brawl starters for online libel, so they seem to be a necessary evil of the institution.
These women with profound insights make time to put in meaningful contributions on the page. When these women put in their opinions, and take time away from their extremely busy schedules, it shows their commitment to their town. Two percent of the women who receive background checks turn out to actually be robots, and are immediately eliminated from the group.
In an attempt to sum up the use, inner workings, and various comments of this site, many people have tried and failed to insert themselves into the group, facing an ultimately ugly demise if they don’t pull their weight in contributing to an updated, informed community.

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Suburban maternal units know everything