Avengers,End This Movie Franchise Already.

fake news!!!

Nicolas Belcaro

Dread it, run from it, sequels still arrive. After the success of Marvel’s “Avengers Infinity War”, it was only time before Marvel would release the next installment. Infinity

War ended with many of Marvel’s most famous characters being reduced into a state where even a Dyson vacuum could defeat them. All thanks to the muscular grape dubbed “Thanos”. We can not continue the review with discussing one of Marvel’s strangest decisions: The recast of Thanos as Nicolas Cage. Don’t get me wrong, Nicolas Cage is great, but due to him wasting his fortune he has  resorted to taking any job he could get, and it really shows. In this next installment, Thanos starts where he left off, as a humble farmer. The movie opens with Thanos tending to his large estate, and spending time contemplating what to plant and where as the opening credits roll. We then see the Marvel logo and title of the movie glow.

We then cut to Tony Stark, stil adrift in space just as he was in  the first trailer. We find out that he’s suffering from a dangerous case of Robert Downey, Jr.’s contract expiring. We see his ship fly through space, as it crashes into some frozen space derelict. Stark brings the object into the ship’s cargo bay, only to find Loki’s dead frozen carcass. Using the some of the ships thrusters, he thaws out Loki, who then reveals how he survived getting his neck vertebrae turned into a jigsaw puzzle. “After all, I am the god of trickery!” Loki states smugly into the camera. This saves Tony from freezing alone and cold in the void of space, by having him freeze to death in the void of space with someone else. A thousand miles away, we end up in Wakanda. However, due to budget constraints, the African nation had to be retconned to taking place in Wawayanda, Vernon township. “Getting the set back in Africa was just too expensive.” said both of the Russo brothers simultaneously, in a private interview following the trailer’s release. “We know the real fans won’t mind.” This was an issue for the native Wakanadians, who were forced to immigrate to Wawayanda. “Its a real big deal, eh?” said a local wakanadian when interviewed. “Not only does Thanos  eliminate half pur people, but then we have to move house. We’re really sorry for all the trouble we caused, eh mate. At least we still have Hockey.” the Wakanadian also remarked on the lack of Tim Hortons in Wawayanda.

The new location is ridden with CGI so bad it becomes unrecognizable from the original set anyway. While my opinion on the movies CGI is obviously negative, my opinion of its ending is high, and the fact that so many people are trying to guess what will happen only makes a more surprising and solid ending. One source of  such speculation is Spider Man’s appearance in “Spider-Man: Far From Home”. I am happy to be able to say that it takes place in between Infinity War and End Game. While this may raise some eyebrows, I will offer an explanation. When Thanos deletes half the universe, it’s actually stored into the soul stone. However, the new movie changes this slightly. “Part of our deal with Marvel” said  Kenichiro Yoshida,CEO of Sony “is that the Soul Stone is now the Sony™ Stone. This explains how spiderman and Nicholas Fury can appear in the Sony-verse despite having been yeeted out of existence. As for the ending, I will spoil some of it. Many think Ant-Man will play a part in stopping Thanos, or Adam Warlock, or some other obscure Marvel characters, it is our beloved hometown hero, Pollaro-man. Using his incredible baldness, he stops Thanos by sending him to HRC for not scanning into Earth. He then confiscates his Infinity Gauntlet. over all, I rate the movie an even 2.5 stars out of five. Perfectly balanced, just as all things should be.