A look into the strange and amazing merchandise of Star Wars

Since it’s debut in 1977, Star Wars has been a beloved franchise that became a cinematic phenomena. Following it’s release, it has fallen victim to a virus known as “weirdus merchandiasus”. This virus leads to the creation of pointless, funny, and weird products being branded under the Star Wars name.

Easily one of the creepiest, raunchy products is the C-3PO tape dispenser. What you see here is what can only be the product of a weird man with an idea in a board room. The face of shock drawn over him only adds to the, shall I say charm of this…thing. What’s worse is it even isn’t even well-made. The C-3PO is made of ceramics, where the tape dispenser is just plain old plastic. They’re very rare, however, and have become somewhat of a collectors item.

The next is more cute rather than disturbing. This is the Space Slug oven mitt! Fans will remember the memorable space monster that Han and his gang land inside of when escaping Hoth. One of the best features of this little guy, is that when you open up the “mouth” of the mitt, inside of it’s mouth is the escaping Millennium Falcon! This is definitely one of the products you could find a avid Star Wars fan to have in their kitchen.

Another kitchen product to go good with your Space Slug oven mitt is the Darth Vader toaster! This bulky, large mess is the finest toaster around. The toast itself is very special. When take out the toast, the heating irons in the toaster leave a Darth Vader print pattern on the toast! How cool is that? In all honesty this thing is very neat, but not functional. It is too large and bulky to really have a spot in your kitchen.

The next is quite possibly the coolest thing ever. This is the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag! As delightful as it is cozy, this little guy looks just like a real Tauntaun, and even the inside is textured as entrails! It is very cleverly designed, as the zipper is Luke’s lightsaber, and when you’re not sleeping in it when it’s all zipped up it’s just a good ol’ Tauntaun buddy!

And most notably, as well as grotesque example of merchandise, is the Jar Jar Binks tongue lollipop. This hideous creation that came as an idea from a real person’s brain is quite possibly the worst thing in existence. The open mouth and tongue sticking out makes it so you feel like you’re frenching a Gungan fool is not a delightful experience, from what I can tell, by any means. The expression on Jar Jar’s face is honestly just nightmare fuel, and I can’t imagine someone coming face to face with this abomination ever sleeping right again.

There have been many other weird pieces of merchandise, but these, I believe, are some of the more interesting ones.