Everybody has their stupid moments – we’re human, aka, not perfect. Of course we do all we can to mitigate these moments, plan ahead of time, keep your wits about you and think on your feet. As a criminal, these things a triply important, at least if you mean to get away with your crime – You need to be smart, and more importantly you need to be careful.
These criminals are neither.
10. Gun-Duffle Bag mix-up
We’ve all gotten a little mixed up at some time. You go to the fridge to get a bottle of water, and end up pouring yourself a glass of milk and not noticing until you sit back down (No, just me?), either way, it happens. This robber had his mix up at the most inopportune moment.
While attempting to rob a bank, this robber stood in front of a teller, loaded gun in one hand, empty duffle bag for carrying his loot in the other. Sadly he would never get that loot, when he went to hand the teller his duffle bag, he extended the wrong hand and gave the teller his gun. Apparently the teller was having a better day, because within seconds he reversed the gun on the robber and managed to shut down the robbery.
9. Criminals can’t resist free alcohol
I’m sure everyone has seen a scam like this online;”You’ve won an X-Box!”, “You’ve won a free cruise”, or “You’ve won a whole bunch of money!” – Most of us are smart enough to see these tricks a mile away and avoid the potential harm they could cause. It really doesn’t take much.
Well apparently this logic doesn’t apply to criminals in the real world. In Derbyshire, England, undercover police used internet scammer tactics to draw in 19 criminals. They tracked down several criminals who had been avoiding arrest, and mailed them messages that they’d won a case of free beer. The criminals, oh so excited at the prospect of free alcohol, came out of hiding and went to the pickup location, where they were greeted by a pair of handcuffs.
8. BEES!
As we’ll see in a few entries on this list, location is especially important for a crime. Ideally, you’re getting the maximum benefit with minimal risk – like the empty home of a rich person with no security. It’s a simple concept really, and should be like, the first thing a criminal plans before their big day. With that in mind, I have absolutely no idea why or how this criminal got himself into this situation.
This robber, if he deserves such a title, sees an old shed and somehow decides “Ooh, I should rob this!”, and moves towards his target. While I can’t see why he was robbing something as petty as an old shed, at least it sounds relatively safe, right? Wrong. Inside the shed was a bee farm, and apparently bees providing a pretty good security system because he was out of commission fast.
7. Marco-Polo
Ever seen those “Red Robin” commercials, someone yells “Red Robin!” and a second person yells “Yum!” in response, even if he’s in a position where he shouldn’t talk? Hey, there was even a commercial with a plot almost exactly the same as this crime.
While details are fairly scarce, we know this much. The criminal had committed some crime, and was on the run from the police. The police closed in on him, and by some stroke of luck he managed to hide himself from them. During the search, when the police were unable to find him, one officer had the seemingly silly idea to yell “Marco”, but the criminal would never respond, right? No. He did, for no real reason either. At least with Bee-shed criminal, you could find some convoluted reason for him to have committed his fatal errors. There was no reason for this guy to give himself away, at all.
6. Master of Disguise
Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight, while the police are looking in alley ways, and nooks and crannies where you expect to find a fugitive, you’re sitting out front of a café, looking inconspicuous, and the police won’t even glance at you. Of course, the key here is looking inconspicuous; you’re making things worse if you stick out like a sore thumb.
This criminal decided that he’d avoid identification by dressing as a woman. Fair enough, if you can pull it off, that’s a way to take yourself off of the police’s radar entirely when on the run. This guy couldn’t pull it off — He didn’t shave his goatee. And wore clown pants. He was identified pretty easily, to say the least.
5. Efficiency
The more time you spend at the scene of the crime, committing the crime, the higher the chance is something will go wrong, You could trigger an alarm, somebody could come home, the police may get alerted somehow. It’s a simple rule, really. Ever rule has its exceptions though, and these guys found one.
One of several phone based mistakes we’ll see here, these two criminals decided that they should finish their crime as fast as possible; into the bank – out of the bank, in under a minute. So, they called the bank ahead of time… and told them to get the money ready… because they were going to rob it. Maybe this could have worked if the bank was full of idiots, but it wasn’t, so when the partners in crime got there, they were met not with piles of money waiting to be stolen, but a squad of police, with two pairs of handcuffs waiting for them.
4. Location and presence of mind
We’ve already covered this ground. Criminals need to find a good location, and think on their feet when they get there. We’ve seen both issues on this list already – what sets this guy apart is how badly he botched both.
He had a bad night. Visiting on a small neighborhood, he made an attempt on a house. He found himself completely unable to get in, and in a last ditch effort, tried to break a window. He didn’t manage to get in, but he did get a nice gash along his forearm from the glass he broke. Despite his bad luck (and general incompetency), he pushed on, and found another house, and managed to get into this one. Only one issue, the house had been robbed earlier that night, and was filled with cops – A fittingly awful end to an awful night.
3. Escape Plan
One of the most important parts of a crime is the getaway, if you can’t get away from the crime and to a safe location in a timely fashion, you’re done for. Most criminals want a fast, inconspicuous car, with a competent driver behind the wheels. What compelled these criminals to do what they did, I’ll never know.
The three got away with two crimes that day. The first, the stealing of a farm donkey. The second, the robbery of a bank. Sounds successful, right? No, because that donkey was they’re getaway vehicle. After escaping the bank, the donkey refused to let them ride, kicking at them and eventually just running away. Helpless, the three criminals were caught by the police promptly.
2. Bragging Rights.
I don’t really believe in karma, but if anything is going to make me it’s this story.
The duo had just escaped from a Wal-Mart, where they’d stolen some money and small items. The robbery itself had gone perfectly, and the two of them absolutely welled with pride. On the car ride how, the two bragged to one another about how brilliant they were, how easy it was to be a criminal. That everyone who ever got caught was utterly incompetent. Looking back, the irony is pretty brilliant. The whole ride home, the two who had been talking to one another about their crime, in explicit detail, had been talking directly to the police. One of them had pocket dialed 911, and accidentally spun a whole confession for the two of them.
1I’ll be back
There’s really no way to preface this one. It’s a matter of managing to have no general understanding of people and logic, and plan the worst crime possible.
This young criminal found his way into a small tackle, which he was to rob at gunpoint. When he got there however, the manager was absent, and the safe with all of the store’s valuables (probably not much given that it’s a small tackle shop) could only be opened by the manager, who was out. By some incomprehensible swing of logic, he decided that he shouldn’t waste his time by waiting for the manager to get back, so he decided to employ the help of the store’s employees. He gave them his phone number, and told them to give him a ring when the manager got back so he could take the money. He then left, and being smarter than a cockroach, the employees called the police, and then called the criminal back. I’m sure he was completely blindsided by the hoards on police waiting for him.